Hitman 3 is a serious game with amusing gameplay. It’s a game all about assassinating your targets in the most absurd ways possible. A simple headshot could do the trick but there’s no fun in that. The real fun is manipulating the game’s levels to ensure characters die in weird accidents that basically keep Agent 47’s hands as clean as possible.
Like the previous two entries, Hitman 3 has no shortage of memorable ways to kill your targets. Not only is it satisfying to see your meticulous plan work itself out perfectly, but it’s also just plain hilarious. These entries will be named by their respective Challenges, just in case, you’d like to pull these off yourself.
10 Tasteless, Traceless – Berlin
Tasteless, Traceless is available in every Hitman level as it’s just a simple poisoning kill. You can poison a few of the ten agents in Berlin but Agent Swan has perhaps the funniest poisoning in the game. All you have to do is take the disguise of a juice bar employee, poison the cup of juice, then politely offer it to Swan, who willingly drinks it without hesitation.
These ten assassins are supposed to be the best in the entire world. As you’ve been taking out other assassins, the team starts to get scared. If you were Swan, you probably wouldn’t be taking a drink from any cups knowing that Agent 47 is roaming the area slowly taking your team out one by one.
9 Icarus – Dubai
Art connoisseur Marcus Stuyvesant has a piece simply titled “The Sun.” Unfortunately, there appears to be an issue with the electricity that is delaying its showcase. Lucky for the player, Agent 47 can provide a simple fix.
Exhibit employees are told not to put in the fuse cell until the issue is resolved but as 47, you can just put one in anyway and let a worker know it’s been handled. Marcus will immediately come down and see his creation. He seems to be quite infatuated with this piece of art. Little does he know that as soon Agent 47 turns the power on, he will fry instantly.
8 Angry Birdy – Dubai
Pulling this off requires some patience but the end result will have you exploding (pun-intended) with laughter. You can find the exploding golf ball in a maintenance room or once you reach Mastery Level 10. After that, simply throw it into the bucket of golf balls found outside the Atrium.
Ingram will only play golf if he gets stressed out enough. This involves playing music near his workspace and then turning on a vacuum outside his penthouse. He’ll get so aggravated that and decide to go play golf. Thankfully, he just happens to pick up the exploding golf ball first. With one hit, the ball will explode, along with Ingram.
7 Medium Rare – Chongqing
During the Mission Story titled Certainty Principle, Imogen Royce will flex her data collection software and theorize what actions three specific employees, Sharon, Jeremy, and Alicia, will do upon being fired. Credit where credit is due, Royce’s software is correct about everything.
It’s funny that in a facility with hundreds of workers, she just happens to pick the three exact employees that can spell her doom. If fired in the correct order, you can get the core cleansing turned on with its safety mechanism disabled, burning Royce to a crisp if she’s inside it. It appears that Royce’s god-complex is what inevitably seals her fate.
6 A Grave Mistake – Dartmoor
Alexa Carlisle thought she was clever and faked her own death, even going as far as setting up a fake funeral at Dartmoor manor. Of course, Alexa won’t make it out of that day alive thanks to Agent 47. If you’d like to make this even more of a reality, you can literally put her in the fake grave she set up.
This requires you to dress up as the undertaker at the funeral and you can present the bogus funeral arrangements. All you’ll have to do is wait until she inspects the grave and then you can take her out with one little push into the hole. If you want to be really efficient, you can even grab a nearby shovel and bury her for good measure.
5 Domestic Disturbance – Mendoza
This one is perfect as you can leave Agent 47’s hands completely clean. Instead of working out some risky plan, you can just let someone else do the deed for you. It’s simple, really. All you have to do is get Mrs. Yates to kill Don Yates.
The way you do this is by finding a safe in Don’s basement. This safe will contain documents proving that Don had actually sabotaged Mrs. Yates’s career years earlier. It’s honestly Don’s fault as sooner or later Mrs. Yates was going to find those documents. It’s not like the safe was hidden very well. As 47, you were just speeding up the process.
4 One For The Ages – Dartmoor
IO Interactive knew this kill would be so funny that they allowed you to get a nice snapshot of the end result. In Dartmoor, Alexa Carlisle will try to get a family portrait in front of a fountain. Little does she know that Agent 47 knows a thing or two about photography.
Alexa will always be the one to sit in the chair for the photo. Conveniently, there are some wires laying right underneath the chair. Just simply expose those wires by the fountain and let the inevitable happen. What makes it even more hilarious is that Alexa won’t get electrocuted until you take the photo, resulting in a hilarious picture worthy of framing in Dartmoor manor.
3 Mnemonic – Chongqing
Just like Royce in this same level, Hush’s ego is what ultimately gets the better of him. Hush has been exploiting the city’s homeless population by offering them riches in exchange for taking part in his pet project. Unfortunately, this project basically causes these poor souls to lose their minds.
In comes Agent 47, who can dress up as a homeless person and offer to be the next guinea pig. Hush just doesn’t realize that 47’s mind is chemically engineered, which is what makes him the greatest assassin in the world. As the experiment goes on 47 keeps resisting the device, Hush will inevitably be the one who gets his brain fried.
2 How The Turntables – Berlin
In Berlin’s underground nightclub, two of the assassins you need to take out, Montgomery and Banner, are roaming it from top to bottom. At some points, they will both be standing on a walkway above the dance floor.
They also just happen to be standing directly underneath the light show. With a screwdriver, 47 can disable the safety mechanism next to them. The next step is to take on the role of the DJ and let the fun begin. During the show’s grand finale, the lights will end up burning Montgomery and Banner to crisp. The show is apparently so lit that everyone dancing won’t even care that two men were just murdered above them.
1 Mile High Drop – Dubai
As soon as it was revealed that the first level in Hitman 3 would be in the world’s tallest building, it was obvious that someone was going to fall off. In this particular instance, you won’t even need to push them. By triggering an evacuation, both Ingram and Stuyvesant will eventually leave by parachute.
Now, there are a couple of ways to do this. You could snipe them as they fall, but that would be too much work. Instead, just find a knife and tear their parachutes on the wall before they’re taken. You will then hear them both scream as their parachutes break mid-air. Dark? Yes. Hilarious? Very much!